Motivation

Lately my motivation has been lacking. This could be due to the fact that my kids have been waking up before 5am each day. And sometimes I can't take a nap! For instance, today I just kept thinking of things I should do: clean the bathroom, start dinner, etc. A few months ago I quit the caffeine, but here I am again, craving it every day. Today it only boosted me up in the morning. It's 3 o'clock and I'm exhausted with a dirty bathroom and no dinner started, and I hear Joshua waking up already. At times like this I need to think of what I've already accomplished today:

-Went to the gym this morning
-Went to new playgroup at a new play area
-Met Jeremy for lunch
-Clipped Joshua's fingernails
-Swept outside patio

Well that is kind of a lot. And I was up at 4am this morning. I need to go to bed early tonight!

Staying Home

I remember when Jeremy and I made the decision I was going to stay at home. I was 5 months pregnant with Joshua and we were visiting Jeremy's family in Moreno Valley during the first week of December 2007. We went out to lunch (or was it dinner?) at BJ's brewery while my in-laws watched Zachary.
I had always secretly wanted to be a stay at home mom. Especially since Zachary was born and I was dealing with inflexible work schedules, daycare, commutes, and an often sick baby. I just thought it would never be possible since we had just bought our first house and had our first mortgage. I think I was too afraid to tell Jeremy how badly I wanted to be at home since at one point we had decided I would work because it just made sense financially.
Jeremy had just started his new job at SWD and we were discussing our finances and how, for the first time in a few years, we had plenty of money. We were also facing Zachary's second surgery in less than 2 years for all of the ear infections he picked up at daycare. At daycare Zachary seemed to pick up every germ -- and passed it on to me! We didn't know how we would afford 2 children in daycare. It would have eaten up half of my take-home pay.
My original plan (born out of desperation since I was SO unhappy in my job) was to work as hard as possible to lose the weight after I had Joshua by joining Weight Watchers, and then search for a new job. I just didn't know how I would handle 2 kids in daycare, working full time, and job-hunting.
He looked at me across the table and said, "Would you want to stay home?" Would I? Would I? In a heartbeat! I believe the conversation at the time had to do with neither of us being able to take time off of work to take Zachary to the Dr. And so we planned that I would give my notice after my maternity leave with Joshua in order to maximize my health coverage. What we didn't realize was that Jeremy's health coverage would end up being the best we've ever had. I put a countdown to my last day of work on my calendar. Finally there was an end in sight to my crazy boss, insensitive coworkers, and unstable company. Proving that this was meant to be, I was laid off February 1st, 2008, allowing me to spend 2 extra months with Zachary and guaranteeing me unemployment income to help our transition to one income.

We had a wonderful weekend -- inlaws came to visit and we went up to the Rim and had a picnic and a hike and it was great! Jeremy and I got date night and saw a movie. I love my inlaws! Poor Joshua has developed a rash -- Dr. says it's viral and just advised Benadryl. Friday I am having a playdate and I am kinda stressed about getting everything cleaned and arranged since I have no energy...at least this week I am trying 2 new things -- almost 3.
Where was I? Just got interrupted by the long loud dryer buzzer than sidetracked putting laudry away...I have a tough time staying focused.
So, yesterday I took Zachary to see his first movie. The local theater plays 10 of last years movies (one a week) for kids in the summer for $7. It couldn't have gone any better. He was so excited and cooperative and we were both entertained by the Space Chimps. I left Joshua with the babysitter which was the key to success I believe. Well next week the babysitter gets her braces off so I guess I will just bring Joshua and see what happens...
And the second new thing is the Moms Club...another moms group I am trying. They don't have very many events on their calendar and today is the only event I can attend. They are calling it an "open house" but it's storytime at Barnes & Noble...than playing at the mall splashpad after that. How can you have open house at a public story time? Just wondering.
And the 3rd thing is a pool party with the MOPS group tomorrow at someone's community pool. We will see how difficult it is to take a one year old and a 3 year old (both of whom cannot swim) swimming. I think I have a baby raft for Joshua.

Today is awesome

Today is already shaping up to be awesome day!
Joshua is beyond adorable and getting chubby again after his stomach flu.
I've already gotten to surf on the internet for a good hour.
Traffic on the freeway meant I got to listen to Howard Stern for a while.
Today is Zach's last day of preschool!
I schedule my massage, cleaned the shower, called Bridget.
Someone turned in my cell phone that I had lost at the Children's museum!
Kids are both totally outfitted for summer except Zach could use some white t-shirts and Josh needs waterproof sandals.
We have great summer plans coming up: inlaws visiting for Memorial Day, Leadership conference, movie pass for Zach, vacation bible school, trip to SoCal to visit family.
I love love love my new gym and plan to be a gym rat.
Going to watch Real Housewives of NJ at lunchtime.
Ooh, get to eat awesome Mediterranean pasta salad for lunch.
Weather is only 94 right now!

My closet has changed

In the past couple weeks, summer has arrived here in Arizona. I've been working on completing my summer wardrobe - this body has changed so much over the past 5 years and what fit last summer is now too big and just plain worn. The year before that I was pregnant with Joshua, the year before that I was working so those clothes are too dressy, and the year before that I was pregnant with Zachary. And my first clothes I bought for the Arizona summer when we moved here in 2004 are a size too small -- and too worn out.
Here in Phoenix it's too hot to wear even light pants. So for me it's a uniform bermuda shorts and the dreaded "mom capris" and flip flops, sandals if I want to "dress it up" ha ha. I used to be a Banana Republic girl, now I am finding that J. Crew is more my style for the t-shirts, polos, flip flops, and shorts I am wearing these days. I have a cute jean skirt that I need to iron, but I do worry about showing my legs. Not only are they ghostly white, I now have nature's tattoos of varicose and spider veins.
Clothes for me now are also more utilitarian than in the past. I used to visit the dry cleaner quite regularly and not wear the same thing 2 weeks in a row. Sometimes when I got home from work I would just hang up my shirt or pants because they weren't dirty from sitting at the computer all day. Now I get sticky fingers and snotty noses wiped on me, as well as spilled, thrown up, bled and peed on. I've noticed that the addition of Joshua has more than doubled our laundry because I have to wash my clothes more, which means my clothes get more wear and tear and wear out faster.
So yesterday I made a trip to Kohl's with the boys. I was able to try on a few things and came out with 2 new tops, a set of rammekins (creme brulee perhaps?), and 2 new bras, which were desperately needed. If the rest of my body has changed -- my breasts are the shifting sands of the Sahara! Luckily I had already found the correct size and a brand that fit well so I was able to just purchase the bras without trying them on. At one point Zachary had a bra on his head. I used to love shopping, I still do by myself, but sometimes now it's more of a necessary chore.

Coming easy

I recently read a magazine article in O magazine about the idea of getting what you want without really trying. It applied the business practice of just-in-time inventory management to your life. I love this idea. People are always striving to get what they want that we lose sight of the fact that sometimes exactly what we need comes into our lives at exactly the right time without us having to lift a finger. This idea intrigues me because right now I am feeling especially lazy. Caring for the needs of 2 small children, a husband and our home 24/7 really takes all of my energy. I love the idea of remembering all of the times when things worked out, perfectly. The author suggested listing 20 wonderful things that entered your life at just the right time with no effort on your part.
1. Both times I got pregnant right away with each boy, I didn't have to try much at all.
2. When I was nearing the end of my pregnancy with Zachary, I wanted to make sure I got to spend all of my maternity leave with my new baby, I didn't want any other family in the delivery room, and I wanted a natural labor. I finished work on a Friday, and went into labor Sunday night, and had an unplanned home delivery early Monday morning. Both of my wishes came true! Though the home birth was scary, everything worked out perfectly -- I even saved money on my medical bills.
3. I was planning to buy some scented lotion from Bath & Body works and my friend Lori gave me a large bag of lotions and body washes she no longer wanted and guess what was included -- a large bottle of the exact scent of lotion I wanted!
To be continued...

25 Things

My 25 Things

1. My first job was a delivery driver for Pizza Hut in San Diego. It was very interesting and lots of fun. Great first job!
2. I am a people person and love learning about other people.
3. I should have been a psychologist but let some adult I didn’t really know talk me out of it when I was 17.
4. I am too sensitive.
5. I read very quickly.
6. I believe in volunteering and community service and donating to charitable causes.
7. I love reality TV; especially anything about modeling, dancing or on Bravo.
8. Having kids has not only completed my life and made me a more well-rounded person; kids get you out of your comfort zone since they are constantly growing and changing. Especially having two boys!
9. I tend to tell people too much.
10. I have a small family: one sister, 2 cousins, one aunt and uncle, one living grandparent.
11. It’s much bigger now through marriage: step-parents, step-siblings, brothers and sisters in law, Inlaws.
12. Some days I feel like there are so many things I have to and want to do!
13. I am happiest when I’m busy.
14. I’ve never broken a bone.
15. This much navel-gazing makes me uncomfortable. Just like referring to myself in the third person.
16. I had a fast labor and an unplanned home delivery with my first son.
17. I miss the house we built and still think about it even though we are glad we moved.
18. Some day I would love another brand new house.
19. I love the rain.
20. Our insurance is embarrassingly good; they actually paid us $240 for the hospital birth of my second son.
21. I’ve worn glasses since I was 13.
22. I love Arizona but wouldn’t mind living somewhere else also.
23. I am not opposed to going to church.
24. I got laid off, became a stay at home mom, finished my MBA, and had my 2^nd son within a 2 month period.
25. I need at least 9 hours of sleep a night.

Just enjoyed a great Mother's Day Brunch at the Cheesecake Factory with Jeremy, the boys, and my dad and stepmom. My digestive tract needs to catch up with my appetite; I am still recovering from this virus. Last night that led to me eating Mexican food which sounded and tasted good at the time, but afterwards I spent some time in the bathroom paying for my indiscretion.
After brunch we let the kids play in the play area, and I browsed at the bookstore. I checked out Dr. Laura's new book "In Praise of the Stay at Home Mom." I can't wait to read it, Dr. Laura always makes me feel good about being a SAHM. Of course, I don't plan to stay home forever, so it also makes me feel worried about the future...I just found out my stepmom stayed home until her youngest was 21! 21! She said she was happy and all of her friends were at home also. Her oldest son was a special needs child, so he took a lot of care and attention just to get him through high school. I must say that I want to go back for the money...we either need to remodel this house or buy a larger house. We would like to keep this as a rental. We live in a modest 1550 sq foot home with 3 bedrooms and 2 baths built in 1991. Jeremy would love an office and we could really use a separate guest room again. It's pretty tight in here when we have house guests.
Happy Mother's Day!

Menu planning

Menu planning is a necessity when you have 2 toddlers. I find it impossible to do a full grocery shopping with the 2 of them. Each Sunday Jeremy and I create a menu for the coming week, about 5 or 6 dinners. We recently decided to eat vegetarian at home, since it's healthier, cheaper, and neither of us like dealing with raw meat, so we use our Moosewood vegetarian cookbooks. Those cookbooks are getting dogeared from use and they are wonderful. I usually try to add at least one new recipe a week. Jeremy is an unusual (and tough to cook for) vegetarian as he does not care for mushrooms or eggplant and is allergic to spinach. He also occassionally turns up his nose at cauliflower and broccoli. Really, what kind of vegetarian are you, I like to say.
Recently I made pad thai for the first time. I thought it would be so difficult since you have to soak the rice noodles, but it was much easier than I thought! Finding tamarind paste was another matter, but there was one small jar available at our local Whole Foods that I snatched up. We definitely will be making pad thai again -- I love bean sprouts but they don't seem to agree with Arizona. Last night I went to retrieve the plastic dome of bean sprouts I had purchased on Sunday and discovered instead the carton adrift on a foul sea of bean sprout slime coating the entire glass shelf of my refridgerator. Ew.
So Sunday we draw up the menu and the grocery list and head to Fry's for all of our usual items. Any specialty or unusual items I pick up later in the week at Whole Foods. It is ironic than I never shopped at Whole Foods until I became vegetarian and on Wednesdays when I seem to go, they are always SMOKING MEAT. Sometimes the smoke is so thick it makes my hair and clothes smell. Our Whole Foods is really very elegant, but I do worry how they can stay in business with all of that square footage what with the sushi chef and pastry chef. So each day I select an item from the menu, prep and cook it, and dinner is ready at 5:30. We cut out dessert because I cannot seem to avoid overindulging whereas Jeremy has no problem not eating fresh baked goods. So if I cooked dessert it would only be for myself and trust me, desserts are the last thing this body needs. Maybe someday when my boys have the soccer team over after school...

Ideal job

A recent message board post asked what your ideal job is. Honestly, there is no job I'd rather do than be a stay at home mom. Though I've had my struggles, and Lord knows I'm not perfect at it, it is deeply satisfying. Even though we get on each other's nerves, being with my kids all day allows me to know exactly what's going on with them and I feel so connected to them. When I was working, it never escaped me that someone else (several someone elses!) at the daycare center were spending more time with my child than I was. And those girls were on the clock and didn't care as much as I do. After a long weekend or vacation, I would always remark that I felt so "close" to Zachary. Now I get to feel that way with both boys all of the time, and I appreciate it so much. It is a fine balance of making sure we have something to do, but not too many chores or errands to do. The kids and I can't stand being bored, but they will balk if they are dragged around from activity to activity.
After working for 3 years at a job where I was underpaid, underappreciated, and not treated well, I love being a full-time mom to my kids! Being a working mom for 2 years puts me in the unique position to realize how good I have it as a stay at home mom.

It got me!

I got the stomach flu today. I started feeling nauseous at about 10 last night, then at 3, I went to the bathroom to release the corn I ate last night. I am feeling much better now. The only thing I can surmise is that Joshua (my precious one year old) caught it from the new gym we joined. Ah well. Hopefully it's all over and done with as long as Jeremy doesn't get it. Jeremy was so sweet, he stayed home from work to take care of us -- did the preschool run and bought me Gatorade too. It is so wonderful to see the life back in Joshua. It's so sad when he just sits there moaning -- come to think of it, that's what I was doing too. Back when I was working, being sick meant a quiet day at home napping and watching movies as Zachary was at daycare. Now, it's trying to prevent your active 3 year old from punching you in your very sore stomach.

There are so many things I want to do! My brain flits from subject to subject, so bear with me. I have so many things I want to read. My mom got me a subscription to Bon Apetit magazine which I love even though we are vegetarian. I strive to be vegan, though I don't think I could ever be strict about it since I love cheese too much. And milk, and ice cream, and quiche, and pudding and custard and cake -- hmmm why are all desserts made with dairy ane eggs? Anyhow, each time I open that magazine I am inspired to cook wonderful things. I really have gotten some great ideas. I read that reading works out a different part of your brain than watching TV. And a lot of time I tend to watch TV since it's so passive and it helps you "relax." I have a hard time stopping reading something I am enjoying, whereas a TV show is 45 minutes long. I must be in the middle of about 6 different books. The funny thing is, I've never been in a book club though it would be the perfect outlet for me. I am going to be in my sorority alumnae association book club.
Right now, both boys are sleeping and it's heaven! Sweet Jeremy is outside with his book on the patio enjoying the warm weather. (Still in the 90s and we don't say hot in Phoenix til it's over 100).

Stomach flu

I needed to start blogging again because it's a great outlet for my thoughts and feelings, kind of like therapy! I tend to keep it anonymous -- that's what's bugging me about facebook and twitter are that I can't be honest because friends and family read it. That's the thing about me, I am totally honest. In adulthood I have learned to tone it down and be more tactful and gentle with people's feelings.
Well, both kids have been struck by the stomach bug. Joshua's thrown up twice and is currently sleeping on the couch, poor thing. He's never had the stomach flu, so I feel bad for him. Zach is a champ, he throws up in the bowl perfectly now.